解:?$(1) \begin{cases}{x+3y=12①,}\\{3x+2y=5m+3②,}\end{cases}$?
①+②得?$5x+5y=5m+15,$?所以?$x+y=m+3.$?
又因?yàn)?$x+y=3,$?所以?$m+3=3,$?所以?$m=0 $?
?$(2)②-①$?得?$x-y=5m-9,$?因?yàn)?$3< x-y< 6,$?所以?$3< 5m-9< 6.$?
所以?$\frac {12}{5} < m< 3,$?所以?$m-3< 0,$??$5m-12> 0,$?
所以?$|m-3|-|5m-12l=3-m-5m+12=15-6m $?